Alaska is a state that is supposed to make fair distribution of marital assets. You might think if you were were in your own home paying the mortgage that it would be be impossible to make you leave.
That might be true if you are a man in Alaska but apparently is not if you are a woman.
Having already given control of tens of thousands of dollars of business revenue, the bank account, business inventory, even the phone lines to the man in a divorce case, one might reasonably expect the poor weak woman to get the home and hearth as her portion of the divorce settlement.
The caveat here is THERE WAS NO SETTLEMENT! As hard as it might be to believe, the judge granted a divorce without a property settlement. Granting possession of virtually all the marital assets to the ex, the judge just plain refused to deal with the business of separating marital property. Having granted the ex the divorce he wanted February 1, 2008, the judge then gave him possession of nearly everything we owned.-indefinitely!
Division of property is a major issue that keeps people together, probably second to issues of child custody and support. Many couples bicker for years but stop short of the D word for the simple reason that EVERYONE LOSES IN A DIVORCE. No one gets everything they want.
The law in Alaska does not permit a bifurcated divorce, that is, a divorce without settling the thorny issues first, unless both parties agree. If they cannot agree, and one party wants bifurcation, the law requires a showing, on the record, of how the property rights of the opposing party will be protected. These are not my words; they are in the Alaska statute. They are there to protect people not able to protect themselves and their property, and are supposed to be upheld by the courts.
In most states, bifurcated divorce is not allowed. It is cumbersome and causes too many financial problems. The incentive to cooperate in reaching a conclusion to the divorce after granting the decree may be gone on the part of the person who wanted to divorce. Parties who wish to steal from the former spouse may have carte blanche to do so. Most often, the party who abuses the process is the man.
The judge in my case refused to grant me support, refused to give me my property, refused to allow me access to my own business and took my home. He refused to enforce his order for mortgage payments. He gave everything to my ex. He gave nothing to me. The law in Alaska is supposed to prevent this from happening. Anyone has the Constitutional right to due process.
Well, actually, the judge gave me something very important. He gave me basis for a Supreme Court Appeal.
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Monday, January 4, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My "Station in Life"
Alaska is an equitable distribution state. One of the things that Alaska Statutes require to be considered in the granting of support or possession of personal or marital property is " the parties station in life". The effect of the divorce is required by state law to be equitably allocated between the parties to prevent one of the partners from enduring hardships like those imposed upon me. I went from having a joint marital income of about $100,000.00 per year as part of a working couple running a successful small business, to nearly nothing overnight.
After being evicted from my home, I had nowhere to turn. I was marginally self employed, and depended upon access to a fax, phone, and internet to make what little income I had. Thankfully, several of the customers I had for years from the marital business chose to work with me rather than the ex.
I transferred my phone service to my cell, and stayed with whomever I could find with a spare bed or couch. I brought my fax and computer with me, along with the dogs and cats, and set up shop in the living room of an acquaintance.I made enough to live on. After my car gave up, I had a little money to make payments on a beater that barely got me around town. At the time, barely was enough. I made small deliveries and maintained contacts both in business and in twelve step programs. Between August 5, 2008 and October 15, 2008 I moved my pets and boxes three times, in three different vehicles.
I admit, I had a crisis of faith. The court refused to give me support, refused to let me save my home from foreclosure, and refused me any benefits from the business I built from 1994. After having my own home for seven years, and my own business for twelve, to lose so much so fast was devastating. My twelve step friends helped feed me and gave me places to live. I received comfort from friends at church.
I went back to my home some nights. I knew a way in through a window... hey, doesn't everyone know a secret way into their own home? I got clothes and food. One time I slept there half the night. I kept the lights off so my neighbor would not see because I knew he would call my ex. They were still marketing the home for sale.
One night, I was stunned to find most of the furniture gone. Dishes, clothes, and books, were thrown haphazardly on the floor. Food was dumped out of kitchen cabinets. It was a mess. I wept alone in the middle of my living room.
My ex had married the woman he cheated with. He brought her family from out of state, and gave them the run of the home to "clean it up" for the sale. They trashed whatever struck their whims. They glued plates together, and drank 20 year old wine from my antique cups. They lit firecrackers in the bathtub, and threw my personal belongings into a dumpster placed under my bedroom window. They shopped through my clothes, and even played with personal hygiene supplies. Well, some of us are sicker than others.
I was able to get the realtor to allow me in for photos. I made police reports. Nothing could be done, the police said because the ex, an owner, had given them the keys. The insurance company refused to help with the damage for the same reason. I came back a few nights later for whatever else I could salvage. I stood alone again in my home. It felt so right to be there; it felt like mine. I prayed for a sign if it was really not to be. After that, when I returned, the window was locked.
The ex had a buyer for the home and his attorney convinced the court that they could not wait or the sale would be lost. Over my objection, without allowing a hearing, the judge granted a clerk's deed on October 2, 2008 to my ex. He was given all rights and ownership of the home without any compensation or credit to me at all. He signed the transfer of title, and sent the paperwork to the buyers. He thought he was done. However, I filed a lis pendens, a claim of ownership interest, with the state recorder's office. The title failed to close, and the sale was blocked.
October 13, 2008 was supposed to be the date of the trial where the judge would divide the marital property. When we came to court, the ex and his attorney were up in arms over the lis pendens. They demanded the lis pendens be declared void, so that the sale could close. My attorney argued that if that happened we would file an appeal with the Alaska Supreme Court. The judge agreed that there would be a 24 hour stay to do so. We left the court for the attorney's office that afternoon to prepare the appeal. The attorney showed me what to do.Just a few short sentences, but I had to get it filed before court the next morning. I wrote it myself, and delivered it.
The fact is, the legal system in Alaska had failed me miserably. I was eligible for support, which was in fact ordered, but the court refused to enforce its own order. I came to court with almost nothing of what I had owned barely a year before. I knew the appeal would stop all action in the lower court. I knew it would take a long time to be decided. I had no idea what else might happen. I was still virtually homeless. I had little income, and lost most of my "stuff". Sadly, I lost one of my cats. But, at least, I had hope.
Upon seeing the appeal had been entered, the judge heard arguments from both sides, then retired to chambers to consider his ruling.
After being evicted from my home, I had nowhere to turn. I was marginally self employed, and depended upon access to a fax, phone, and internet to make what little income I had. Thankfully, several of the customers I had for years from the marital business chose to work with me rather than the ex.
I transferred my phone service to my cell, and stayed with whomever I could find with a spare bed or couch. I brought my fax and computer with me, along with the dogs and cats, and set up shop in the living room of an acquaintance.I made enough to live on. After my car gave up, I had a little money to make payments on a beater that barely got me around town. At the time, barely was enough. I made small deliveries and maintained contacts both in business and in twelve step programs. Between August 5, 2008 and October 15, 2008 I moved my pets and boxes three times, in three different vehicles.
I admit, I had a crisis of faith. The court refused to give me support, refused to let me save my home from foreclosure, and refused me any benefits from the business I built from 1994. After having my own home for seven years, and my own business for twelve, to lose so much so fast was devastating. My twelve step friends helped feed me and gave me places to live. I received comfort from friends at church.
I went back to my home some nights. I knew a way in through a window... hey, doesn't everyone know a secret way into their own home? I got clothes and food. One time I slept there half the night. I kept the lights off so my neighbor would not see because I knew he would call my ex. They were still marketing the home for sale.
One night, I was stunned to find most of the furniture gone. Dishes, clothes, and books, were thrown haphazardly on the floor. Food was dumped out of kitchen cabinets. It was a mess. I wept alone in the middle of my living room.
My ex had married the woman he cheated with. He brought her family from out of state, and gave them the run of the home to "clean it up" for the sale. They trashed whatever struck their whims. They glued plates together, and drank 20 year old wine from my antique cups. They lit firecrackers in the bathtub, and threw my personal belongings into a dumpster placed under my bedroom window. They shopped through my clothes, and even played with personal hygiene supplies. Well, some of us are sicker than others.
I was able to get the realtor to allow me in for photos. I made police reports. Nothing could be done, the police said because the ex, an owner, had given them the keys. The insurance company refused to help with the damage for the same reason. I came back a few nights later for whatever else I could salvage. I stood alone again in my home. It felt so right to be there; it felt like mine. I prayed for a sign if it was really not to be. After that, when I returned, the window was locked.
The ex had a buyer for the home and his attorney convinced the court that they could not wait or the sale would be lost. Over my objection, without allowing a hearing, the judge granted a clerk's deed on October 2, 2008 to my ex. He was given all rights and ownership of the home without any compensation or credit to me at all. He signed the transfer of title, and sent the paperwork to the buyers. He thought he was done. However, I filed a lis pendens, a claim of ownership interest, with the state recorder's office. The title failed to close, and the sale was blocked.
October 13, 2008 was supposed to be the date of the trial where the judge would divide the marital property. When we came to court, the ex and his attorney were up in arms over the lis pendens. They demanded the lis pendens be declared void, so that the sale could close. My attorney argued that if that happened we would file an appeal with the Alaska Supreme Court. The judge agreed that there would be a 24 hour stay to do so. We left the court for the attorney's office that afternoon to prepare the appeal. The attorney showed me what to do.Just a few short sentences, but I had to get it filed before court the next morning. I wrote it myself, and delivered it.
The fact is, the legal system in Alaska had failed me miserably. I was eligible for support, which was in fact ordered, but the court refused to enforce its own order. I came to court with almost nothing of what I had owned barely a year before. I knew the appeal would stop all action in the lower court. I knew it would take a long time to be decided. I had no idea what else might happen. I was still virtually homeless. I had little income, and lost most of my "stuff". Sadly, I lost one of my cats. But, at least, I had hope.
Upon seeing the appeal had been entered, the judge heard arguments from both sides, then retired to chambers to consider his ruling.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Living with Superman
It's not easy to live with an addict. There are addicts in all walks of life. Not all of them are in the street. I was once with a heroin addict. I saw what the drugs did to him, what happened when he ran out. The sweating, sniveling, edginess, gastric problems. The shaking, screaming, vomiting. None of it pretty.
Having a drug legally prescribed does not mean you are not addicted. In fact, it's a great excuse. My ex is an addict. He has persuaded his family and his new wife that it's "between him and his doctor". This is an argument often used by those addicted to prescription drugs. However, they are still addicts. The reaction when they run out is the same. And they always run out.
I used to have sympathy when he ran out of his prescription drugs. I believed at one time that the opiates he took were for a legitimate problem, and that at some time in the future he would be able to do without. He took whatever he could find, precribed or on the street. His level of addiction to oxycontin was equivalent to 5 or 6 bags of heroin a day. The behavior was no different.
There were consequences. Often there were fights. When my ex bought street drugs, he cut deep into our money to live on, the capital for our business, the money we could have used to enjoy each other and grow closer. but none of that mattered if he didn't have what he wanted... and of course now needed.
Our budget, our business, our quality of life suffered. The drugs always came first. I started to lose sympathy. I wouldn't cover his butt when he missed jobs. I wouldn't say he wasn't home when he was getting high in the other room. I wouldn't lie for him.
He screamed at me. He stole from me. He turned to an old girlfriend who had more sympathy. Isn't that always the way? It was my fault for being such a bitch, and after all, he didn't have a problem because at least part of the drugs were legal.
One day he was so out of it, he left a letter from his girlfriend on my desk. Or maybe he did it on purpose to torment me. She wrote "dear Superman". Superman? She didn't know about the kryptonite. I'm sure she does now. Good luck with that.
It has been over two years since he walked out of our home for the last time, taking his drugs with him. I now have over two years clean.
Having a drug legally prescribed does not mean you are not addicted. In fact, it's a great excuse. My ex is an addict. He has persuaded his family and his new wife that it's "between him and his doctor". This is an argument often used by those addicted to prescription drugs. However, they are still addicts. The reaction when they run out is the same. And they always run out.
I used to have sympathy when he ran out of his prescription drugs. I believed at one time that the opiates he took were for a legitimate problem, and that at some time in the future he would be able to do without. He took whatever he could find, precribed or on the street. His level of addiction to oxycontin was equivalent to 5 or 6 bags of heroin a day. The behavior was no different.
There were consequences. Often there were fights. When my ex bought street drugs, he cut deep into our money to live on, the capital for our business, the money we could have used to enjoy each other and grow closer. but none of that mattered if he didn't have what he wanted... and of course now needed.
Our budget, our business, our quality of life suffered. The drugs always came first. I started to lose sympathy. I wouldn't cover his butt when he missed jobs. I wouldn't say he wasn't home when he was getting high in the other room. I wouldn't lie for him.
He screamed at me. He stole from me. He turned to an old girlfriend who had more sympathy. Isn't that always the way? It was my fault for being such a bitch, and after all, he didn't have a problem because at least part of the drugs were legal.
One day he was so out of it, he left a letter from his girlfriend on my desk. Or maybe he did it on purpose to torment me. She wrote "dear Superman". Superman? She didn't know about the kryptonite. I'm sure she does now. Good luck with that.
It has been over two years since he walked out of our home for the last time, taking his drugs with him. I now have over two years clean.
Eviction
Eviction is a devastating thing. It is devastating if you can't pay for your home. It is even more devastating if you are paying for your home, and the court strips you of your rights for no good reason.
The court ordered my ex to make mortgage and utility payments in lieu of support pending the outcome of the divorce and settlement. The ex refused to obey the order, and devised what was proposed to the court as a "scheme"(no, really that's the word they used in the transcript) to pay the bills. The judge was convinced that all our bills would be paid by selling our home. No evidence was ever offered that this was actually the case. However, while we argued about it he refused to make the payments, and the house began to go into foreclosure.
The court told me I could refinance the home myself, but this was a real catch 22. I was given 30 days. The home was already in foreclosure. The loan could be assumed, but only if the payments were current. I did not have an attorney. I filed numerous documents to the court proving there was going to be very little equity from the sale of the home, especially after the real estate agent got his bite.
I finally made a forbearance arrangement with Citi mortgage. If anyone out there has financial problems I would strongly encourage you to talk to them on a daily basis and give them whatever you can pay. They are extremely motivated to help, especially in situations like this.
You might think this would solve the home issue as far as the court was concerned, since the ex did not have to pay the mortgage. I had also acquired an attorney who was trying to negotiate a settlement in good faith.`However, by the time I had my payment plan, the ex also had a court order to evict me! The court turned a deaf ear to all my arguments, having chosen to go with the sale even though there would be no profit. The ex had already gone to the state troopers and set an eviction date without giving notice.
On August 5, 2008 I was called from the shower in my home by troopers who forced me to leave my home, still wet from the shower. The ex actually stood in the driveway and told me he asked his attorney not to do this to me. I found out later he wrote the check for the eviction the same day he got the order.
I took my two dogs and two cats and whatever else I could fit in my car, and drove away from my home. I had no support, and no where to go.
The court ordered my ex to make mortgage and utility payments in lieu of support pending the outcome of the divorce and settlement. The ex refused to obey the order, and devised what was proposed to the court as a "scheme"(no, really that's the word they used in the transcript) to pay the bills. The judge was convinced that all our bills would be paid by selling our home. No evidence was ever offered that this was actually the case. However, while we argued about it he refused to make the payments, and the house began to go into foreclosure.
The court told me I could refinance the home myself, but this was a real catch 22. I was given 30 days. The home was already in foreclosure. The loan could be assumed, but only if the payments were current. I did not have an attorney. I filed numerous documents to the court proving there was going to be very little equity from the sale of the home, especially after the real estate agent got his bite.
I finally made a forbearance arrangement with Citi mortgage. If anyone out there has financial problems I would strongly encourage you to talk to them on a daily basis and give them whatever you can pay. They are extremely motivated to help, especially in situations like this.
You might think this would solve the home issue as far as the court was concerned, since the ex did not have to pay the mortgage. I had also acquired an attorney who was trying to negotiate a settlement in good faith.`However, by the time I had my payment plan, the ex also had a court order to evict me! The court turned a deaf ear to all my arguments, having chosen to go with the sale even though there would be no profit. The ex had already gone to the state troopers and set an eviction date without giving notice.
On August 5, 2008 I was called from the shower in my home by troopers who forced me to leave my home, still wet from the shower. The ex actually stood in the driveway and told me he asked his attorney not to do this to me. I found out later he wrote the check for the eviction the same day he got the order.
I took my two dogs and two cats and whatever else I could fit in my car, and drove away from my home. I had no support, and no where to go.
Friday, December 25, 2009
It's All About Him
Lisa Scott has written an amazing book about relationships with narcissists
Granted, there are female narcissists, but the majority are men, whose sense of entitlement and greed leaves a path of destruction when their partners' resources have been exhausted.
Having been in such a relationship herself, Lisa understands the quandry faced by women inn this type of relationship. Check it out. You may find the answer to questions you have asked yourself about why your significant other is unable to empathize with you, lies with a straight face, and denies things have happened that you yourself have witnessed. You may be dealing with a narcissist-and a complete jerk.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Justice is truth in action.
This quote is from Chief Justice Brandeis. Apparently Alaskan justice
is not acquainted with the principles of this learned gentleman.
My ex husband was able to go into court and tell any lie he chose to get a ruling his way. Of course for the first four months he had a professional liar (spelled lawyer).
Every motion they made was based on a falsehood. I would dutifully research the points and file my own motions, complete with documentation and footnotes to substantiate my arguments.
All the checks he bounced. All the trips to the ATM for drug money. All the unpaid bills.
Poor thing told the Judge he had no money. I was not entitled to proceeds of the business we build together for a dozen years.
Consistently my motions were denied. Then, light at the end of the tunnel. I WON an argument! My motion was granted. Hosanna, now he would make my mortgage payment while I struggled to get back on my feet. He had, after all, our accounts receivable worth over $100,000.00
Surely now justice would prevail. The Judge has seen the light -or has he?
is not acquainted with the principles of this learned gentleman.
My ex husband was able to go into court and tell any lie he chose to get a ruling his way. Of course for the first four months he had a professional liar (spelled lawyer).
Every motion they made was based on a falsehood. I would dutifully research the points and file my own motions, complete with documentation and footnotes to substantiate my arguments.
All the checks he bounced. All the trips to the ATM for drug money. All the unpaid bills.
Poor thing told the Judge he had no money. I was not entitled to proceeds of the business we build together for a dozen years.
Consistently my motions were denied. Then, light at the end of the tunnel. I WON an argument! My motion was granted. Hosanna, now he would make my mortgage payment while I struggled to get back on my feet. He had, after all, our accounts receivable worth over $100,000.00
Surely now justice would prevail. The Judge has seen the light -or has he?
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