North to Alaska

I lived most of my life in California. Maybe you wonder, how the heck did I ever get to Alaska?

I had a previous marriage to a pretty garden variety alcoholic, and another to a drug addict. While these relationships were hard, what the men were was pretty up front. I was certainly co dependent and there was abuse, but not the deceit that I experienced in the relationship resulting in this divorce.

In the course of the relationship with the addict (and a short time before) was using cocaine. My SO was an addict. I was arrested and ultimately went to jail. I had one daughter with him, and another born after I got out of jail and got clean.

In 1991 I was in recovery and working in my profession as a registered nurse. I was in the process of breaking up with the dad of my two young girls. We had been apart for several months and the break was done.I did not feel I would ever stay clean with him. He never had a real job and was no use in caring for the girls. He had left the older girl with his parents while I was in jail, and I was in a legal fight to get her back.

When I meet his friend the EX he seemed so different . He was a bit younger than me but seemed so responsible, as he had a good job. He used drugs, but seemingly in control, only on weekends. I had relapsed after losing a court case for return of my older girl, and we started using together. He took me out nice places, we went to concerts; we went walking and he would buy me cute things , and even red roses. He treated me so well, and I was more in love with him than I had ever been with anyone.I was 42, he was 29. His smile melted my heart. I would do anything for him.

One night we were stopped by the police and he went to jail for being under the influence. Looking back now, I see how he blamed this on me but at the time I was distraught and desperate to help him. He decided he would take a new job offer in Alaska because he was afraid to go to jail in California. When he moved I felt a part of myself missing like I had an arm cut off. I lost my job right before he left for Alaska. I talked to him all the time, and finally we agreed I would move to Alaska to be with him. In May 1992 I packed up my household consisting of some furniture and belongings in a trailer, my car, my youngest daughter and a cat, and drove the Alcan Highway for 9 days to make a new start with the love of my life